Last updated 6/18/09

Friday, June 6, 2008

The Eternal Battle Part III: Pirates vs Ninjas

So by now we've covered two of the most imporant aspects of the whole "Pirates vs Ninjas" feud: combat ability and style. However, there are a few more factors to be addressed before we wrap things up. Today's segment covers a somewhat lighter, yet no less important aspect of the conflict: fun factor. Simply put, who has more fun - pirates or ninjas?

As I mentioned earlier, ninjas are Emo. They have to be; it comes with the territory. With the exception of a few oddities, ninjas don't have fun (except possibly when they're killing). When's the last time you saw a ninja at a party? At a bowling alley? At a bar? I'll tell you when - never. Sure, it can be fun to impersonate a ninja, maybe to dress up as one for Halloween. But then what? You run around swinging plastic nunchakus or pretending to karate chop people? That's a sure way to earn a not-so-friendly beat-down. Best case scenario you dress up in your sable assassin's shroud and just stand there...because you're not really a ninja, and you can't (or shouldn't) kill people. That's not to say, however, that ninjas can't ever be fun. Some can be entertaining at times, and there are some pretty fun ninja-themed video games, as well. I guess ninjas are fun for the solemn, the ascetic, and the emo. Ninjas can wait and bide their time, waiting for the precise moment to strike. Then they can have their fun.

Pirates are kind of a mixed bag, too. All that raping and pillaging can take its toll, I'd imagine. How fun do you think it is to have syphillis? The whole peg-leg and eye patch thing doesn't really do it for me, either. I mean, they look menacing, but I think they'd really make future looting and plundering hard work, don't you? On the other hand, pirates are all about having fun! Why shoot a prisoner in the face, when you can eek out every last bit of entertainment by making him walk the plank? Why be sober, when you can be guzzling down spiced rum? Pirates are the heroes (or villains, perhaps) of the common man. How many ninjas sport big 'ol beer bellies and can still do their job well? You may say that pirates are foolish and only live from moment to moment, never thinking about the future. "Naaarrr," says I. What do you think all the buried treasure is for?

Truth be told, both pirates and ninjas can be a lot of fun. However, I think the lifestyle led by either faction is a major determinant of who chooses to identify with which. Pirates and ninjas really do have very different "personalities" that probably attract different types of people. Perhaps we'll get a little further into that in the next segment of the series.

'Til then, be off with ya.


Ben said...

I don't know why this you keep posting on this. Pirates have already won. Just look at the world today. How often do you hear of ninja's? Never. They don't exist anymore. And don't give me some crap about how they are so sneaky and great and thats why I don't hear about them anymore. Thats bollocks. Ninja's are now the homeless guys that hang out in Shibuya petting cats drinking shouchu. Pirates on the other hand continue to pillage and be all around bad mofo's. Ninja's FTL.

Blue Shoe said...'s lose-lose. Pirates still exist, albeit nowhere near as cool as they once were. As you say, ninjas have all but died out.

Jeff said...

How is this even debatable? Pirates raped and murdered women and children out of greed, and fought amongst each other for selfish gain. Ninjas disguised themselves as beggars and groundskeepers, spying and assassinating for the sake of their emperor...and could kill a person with farm equipment. And what the hell is "swashbuckling?" I've never even heard of regular buckling, let alone swashbuckling.

Ben said...

swashbuckling is the sport of the gods. And if disguising oneself as a beggar and killing people with farm tools is what makes ninjas cool, then a lot of people from kansas must be ninjas