Ninjas +1

So Emmanuel has brought to my attention a little tribute that (if accurate) brings ninjas up one more point. I haven't actually played any of the Ninja Gaiden games since the original Nintendo, but they really do seem to boost ninja popularity..

More to come.

The Eternal Battle Part IV: Pirates vs Ninjas

I think today we'll wrap up this series with a few observations and hypotheticals.

Something I've been thinking about are the ways in which pirates and ninjas are similar, specifically in terms of the virtues that they hold in high (or low) regard and their "code of ethics" if you will. First off, courage is overrated. Sure, a pirate won't shy away from a fight and a ninja won't balk at a difficult mission. However, when success is doubtful and capture or death is probable, there's nothing wrong with turning tail or playing dirty. Cheap tricks are standard operating procedure. Second, neither faction is bound by cumbersome ideals like "honor" or "justice." You want to kill someone? Kill'em and be done with it. Someone may ask if they deserved to be killed. Well, if you piss of a pirate or a ninja, you have a killing coming your way. Scruples are for the weak!

I've also been puzzling over how difficult it would be to simulate an actual pirate v ninja battle. There are so many factors to consider!

• Does one combatant have the element of surprise?



• What's the locale?



• Are both parties allowed to prepare beforehand?



• Are there any weapons limitations?
  


• How dismembered is the pirate? (eye patch, wooden leg, hook-hand, all of the above)

Anyhow, I'm afraid this determination is beyond me. Still, I present to you some hypothetical battles, which I thought would be very interesting to watch.

Ryu Hayabusa

vs.

Cervantes de Leon

Here are the vital stats:

Name: Ryu Hayabusa
Faction: Ninja
Strengths: Wise beyond his years, master of Hayabusa ninjitsu, wielder of the Dragon Sword,
can apparently blow up helicopters with shuriken
Weaknesses: Uhhh...oops. Forgot something, Tecmo?


Name: Cervantes de Leon
Faction: Pirate
Strengths: Wielder of the Soul Edge (or alternatively a pistol sword!), has a ghost ship, no longer ages
Weaknesses: Has no soul?

This one is the battle of the titans, in my mind. I tried to think of the most BA represenative of each side. Hey who knows - with all the video game crossovers recently, maybe someday we'll see DOA vs Soul Caliber?

A number of other characters came to mind, but it was too difficult to match them up considering the various media of their portrayal. I'll present them, though, for your consideration:

Ninjas: Shadow (FFVI), Snake-Eyes (GI Joe), Storm Shadow (GI Joe), Azumi (Japanese movie)
Pirates: Dread Pirate Roberts (Princess Bride), Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean), Blackbeard

And so I wrap up my discussion of pirates and ninjas (for now). Please notice the poll that's up on the right hand side of the page. I'll report on it next week if the results are significant enough.

'Til then.

The Eternal Battle Part III: Pirates vs Ninjas

So by now we've covered two of the most imporant aspects of the whole "Pirates vs Ninjas" feud: combat ability and style. However, there are a few more factors to be addressed before we wrap things up. Today's segment covers a somewhat lighter, yet no less important aspect of the conflict: fun factor. Simply put, who has more fun - pirates or ninjas?

As I mentioned earlier, ninjas are Emo. They have to be; it comes with the territory. With the exception of a few oddities, ninjas don't have fun (except possibly when they're killing). When's the last time you saw a ninja at a party? At a bowling alley? At a bar? I'll tell you when - never. Sure, it can be fun to impersonate a ninja, maybe to dress up as one for Halloween. But then what? You run around swinging plastic nunchakus or pretending to karate chop people? That's a sure way to earn a not-so-friendly beat-down. Best case scenario you dress up in your sable assassin's shroud and just stand there...because you're not really a ninja, and you can't (or shouldn't) kill people. That's not to say, however, that ninjas can't ever be fun. Some can be entertaining at times, and there are some pretty fun ninja-themed video games, as well. I guess ninjas are fun for the solemn, the ascetic, and the emo. Ninjas can wait and bide their time, waiting for the precise moment to strike. Then they can have their fun.

Pirates are kind of a mixed bag, too. All that raping and pillaging can take its toll, I'd imagine. How fun do you think it is to have syphillis? The whole peg-leg and eye patch thing doesn't really do it for me, either. I mean, they look menacing, but I think they'd really make future looting and plundering hard work, don't you? On the other hand, pirates are all about having fun! Why shoot a prisoner in the face, when you can eek out every last bit of entertainment by making him walk the plank? Why be sober, when you can be guzzling down spiced rum? Pirates are the heroes (or villains, perhaps) of the common man. How many ninjas sport big 'ol beer bellies and can still do their job well? You may say that pirates are foolish and only live from moment to moment, never thinking about the future. "Naaarrr," says I. What do you think all the buried treasure is for?

Truth be told, both pirates and ninjas can be a lot of fun. However, I think the lifestyle led by either faction is a major determinant of who chooses to identify with which. Pirates and ninjas really do have very different "personalities" that probably attract different types of people. Perhaps we'll get a little further into that in the next segment of the series.

'Til then, be off with ya.

The Eternal Battle Part II: Pirates vs Ninjas

Yesterday we were exploring the first important determinant of dominance between pirates and ninjas - combat ability. I was learning more towards pirates on that one, but will refrain from blanket statements as there are too many variables. Today I thought we'd have a look at the second most important consideration to be made: style.

Ninjas certainly seem to have the edge on this one. They're sleek, graceful, and dark. Although they are the archetype for the ultimate Emo fighter, they still have an undeniable appeal. What looks cooler than a ninja flipping around, scaling walls, blending into the shadows, and then taking out a target? Few things. There's also the ninja's signature weapon of choice: the sword. Ninjas used small, cheap blades, often confused with their cousin, the katana (used by warriors and samurai), which were meant primarily for stabbing as opposed to slicing. Most importantly, they're cool-looking. Ninjas also employed an arsenal of other sweet and deadly weapons, including the tanto, shuriken, kama, and bow and arrow. I should also note that there were female ninjas, as well. Yay equal opportunities for killing!

Annnnd pirates. Let's see...smelly, dirty, probably STD-ridden scoundrels.

Honestly, the puffy shirts don't really do them justice. However, the bandanas and leather vests/boots/belts I can get on board with. Yarr! The big wooden pistols are kinda fun, as well. Then there are the pirate's swords of choice: the cutlass and scimitar. As opposed to the ninja's stabby blades, these swords were meant for slashing, making for some excellent swashbuckling! And of course pirates had an excellent selection of other weapons to use, as well. What pirates lack in grace, they make up for in, uh...ruthlessness? I must also admit, while ninjas can cover up an ugly mug with a mask, pirates just bear it for all the world to see. Does self-confidence count for style?

Hard choice to make, but I think ninjas may have more "style." But then, those who align themselves with pirates don't really care about petty things like image, now do they? Yarr!

'Til next time.

The Eternal Battle Part I: Pirates vs Ninjas

Ah yes, the ongoing struggle of awesomeness: Pirates vs Ninjas. Will a victor ever emerge? Probably not, but that's not a good enough reason not to take sides or speculate. The debate was brought to the forefront several years ago on the internet, although the exact source or sources of the initial conflict are unknown. There is little to no official canon to refer to, but there are many websites where the battle still rages. And there's also a pretty kick-ass movie.

There are many questions one must ask oneself before choosing a side. One of them is not: can't pirates and ninjas team up? If that were to happen, the universe as we know it would implode as two of the deadliest, coolest powers in all of existence were joined together. No, theirs' are two opposing fates - they are destined to fight until only one side remains. Much like Highlander, there can only be one. But that's for the best. If they're busy fighting each other, there's less time for pirates and ninjas to plunder and pillage, spy and assassinate, respectively. Really it's good for everyone.

Now, the first and (hopefully) most obvious consideration to be made is fighting ability. According to the movie, they're pretty evenly matched. Both are usually adept at swordplay and hand-to-hand combat. Pirates can brawl with the best of 'em and ninjas are martial arists. While there are exceptions, pirates are generally more brawny and heartily built and ninjas are smaller and more agile.

One flaw I would like to point out in the short film is that pirates can and would use pistols, as well. It's not a question of honor or compunction - they just would. Likewise, ninjas were usually at least amateur chemists and could assemble primitive smoke bombs and the like. Their darts and shuriken would certainly be employed, as well.

I think I will leave this one open to further debate, as it's not clear-cut. However, I tend to think that without the element of surprise (a ninja's greatest advantage) the pirate would have a huge edge. Perhaps this is why rules and circumstances would need to be in place for such a duel, and why this struggle may ultimately never be resolved. Despite what the video games and movies may have you believe, ninjas were meant to kill without engaging in combat. The majority of their skills and training were focused on infiltration and killing without being detected, and therefore without actually fighting anyone. Pirates, on the other hand, lived and died by steel and flint. They had to be ready to fight at any time. Even while drunk, you might ask? Especially while drunk.


So while I would award Part I, fighting ability, to pirates, I will leave the matter for each to consider in one's own heart of hearts. For now, I will leave it at that.


'Til later then.

Is There Someone in Your Closet?

So thanks to those who brought a certain matter to my attention. You know, it' really quite mind-boggling. The woman was living in this guy's closet for a year without detection - can you imagine? That's quite impressive. I mean, I've seen some walk-in closets about the size of Japanese homes, and she was bunking in the top compartment of his closet. What is that, like maybe 3 feet x 4 feet of living space? Now I know, I know...she only lived in the closet while he was there. At other times she probably came out and did things that normal people who own houses do - took a shower, watched some TV, enjoyed having four walls and a roof over her head - that kind of stuff.
I've been told that ninjas aren't that popular in Japan anymore, nor are their ways very deeply engrained in the culture. But I'll be damned if she doesn't qualifiy. She could have wasted that guy in the middle of the night at any time, because come on, she lived in his freaking closet. Someday if I have kids and they want me to check their closets for monsters, I'll humor them. But I'll really be checking for middle-aged Japanese women. Hell, I'm gonna go check my closet right now.

'Til later.

Edit: Ninajs+1